Family Dialysis – 2 Tips To Have a Better Week With Your Kids

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“Emotionally Stable”    Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

It used to be that you had to have some gray hairs on you before you felt this “rock and a hard place” feeling.  But just in case you didn’t know, this is how our typical middle schoolers are living each day.  Our young 11-13 year olds are leaving the house feeling pretty “fresh” and then somewhere between math and recess and the bus loop they look like they are hanging on by a thread.  This is in the best and worst of neighborhoods.  It has less to do with family income, status or zip code than it ever did, even though that seems to matter more than ever.  In reality it has to do with what we as moms and dads do to debrief, cleanse and reboot with our tribe everyday.

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Photo by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

Earlier in the year I started a Periscope® broadcast called “The Friday Night Family Scope”.   My mission was to bring families closer together in a positive way.  For many of us the weekends need to be a time of family dialysis.  We need to get inside the blood of our kids and remove the toxins.  If we don’t go into the shadows and knock on their doors, ask the right questions and find out what they are focused on, we can’t provide help.

But if your kids are anything like mine, you know that you can’t wait for Friday to make this happen.  How can we motivate and energize our kids more frequently?  How can we get inside their lives and stay in there, especially if they are moving into young adulthood?  Can a few minutes a couple of nights a week make a difference?  Yes!  We are more than chauffeurs, ATMs and short order cooks.   We do more than feed and clothe.  We do even more than teach and keep them safe.  In just a few minutes devoted parents can do pivotal things.    We help our children thrive in a scary world.  And we gotta jump in and do a little very day.  

2 Quick & Easy Tips:

  •  Listen More Than You Lecture.  If you are guilty of this, raise your hand.  Come on!  Raise it up right at your desk or in your kitchen or at the gym.  I know you are out there.  Join us.  My hand is raised too!  One is markedly easy.  The other is definitely hard.  But if you can get a tween or teen to talk to you, even if what they are saying is making you want to scream at the top of your lungs, try to listen.  Yes, sometimes the story seems like a web that is wrapped upon itself and you want to jump in and untangle it.  I know…I’ve been there…in fact, I visited that familiar destination earlier today.  In the midst though, it hit me that I needed to assign dignity to this young adult that is so much like…well, me!  And a lecture wasn’t going to cut it.  What about you?  Can you use your ears first this week?
  • Let Acknowledgement Be Your First Words.  I keep thinking that after I speak I love to know that someone was actually listening to me.  The same is true for our kids; listening is only half the battle.  The other half is letting them know that we heard  them.  Extract something to show that you acknowledge they have been willing to share.  “I know what you mean”, doesn’t carry as much weight as “Man,  that sounds awful!  I’m sorry that you had to face that.” (Or whatever similar matches your tribe).  It’s not easy for our kids to open up.  If they do, don’t waste the opportunity.  Acknowledge them, their feelings and what they have to say.  It’s worth it.
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Photo by Max Conrad on Unsplash

So many of our precious kids are at pressure’s edge.  The waves keep coming and they are aren’t dressed for swimming.   If we are going to make a difference we are going to have to dive in deep.

To encourage my readers and add value to the family, I’m introducing a monthly blog series called:  Family Dialysis.  The goal will be to chat about ways to get closer as a family and ensure that parents are the major influencers to a positive future.  Let me know what you’d like to see.  I’m excited to share with you!

Chatone Morrison ©2017

Ready to get your positive energy in check?  Looking to clean up your self-talk, create a personal affirmation plan or ease your way into releasing your negativity so your positivity can reign?  Complete the questionnaire for a free coaching strategy session.

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Don’t Miss The Weekly Sunday Corner Show on YouTube:  Bit.ly/ChatoneYT

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All photos courtesy of Unsplash.com

 

Revealing The Secret Life of Hands

 

cbm hands october 2017This morning my hands lovingly squeezed fresh lemons, making an attempt at distracting me from more senseless killing.  The fragrance lingered behind and I was reminded that a 5-minute act can still create joy.  There is still beauty created in simple acts.

The thing about our hands is that we use them every single day. All day. With our hands we smooth the skin on our face and body. We rouse awake. Wash our children. Hold our spouses.

With our hands we plant the garden. Cook the food. Make the coffee. Cook the breakfast. Pack the lunches. We sign the homework. Check the backpack. And then we sit them on our hips as a sign. A sign to move on with our day.

One month ago, today, my hands rose super early. They packed my bags. Brought my things to the truck. Drove 400 miles to my “big brother’s” funeral. My hands wiped my tears. His wife’s tears. My friend’s tears. My hands provided comfort.

These same hands held my 11 year old’s (when no one was looking) when he was a bit nervous on the first day of middle school.  They applauded when he could find his locker and got his first “A” of the semester.  And in their versatility, they wrung repeatedly when consecutive hurricanes hit and the worry was as deep as the falling rain.  Then, my hands became an essential oil diffuser and massaged my temples when I was sleepless.

When I was 18 months old, my right hand was badly burned.  The scar is a reminder of my mom and dad screaming through the house, taking care of me.  When the weather is cold the skin is ashen, tight, itchy and draws attention.  My hand holds this secret that spans my entire life and the memory never ceases to bless me.

Whether I’m in a place of curiosity and courage or gloom and grief, I ask my hands to be on a mission of service.  Days like today, I don a black leather “CLARITY” bracelet on my right hand.  It’s a nudge in the direction of understanding, gratitude and as much positivity as possible.

Focus and Take Time with your hands.  The secrets they tell need never be spoken.  Use them to do something simple yet powerful.  Change a moment.  Change an evening.  Change a year.  Change a life.

Chatone Morrison ©2017

Ready to get your positive energy in check?  Looking to clean up your self-talk, create a personal affirmation plan or ease your way into releasing your negativity so your positivity can reign?  Complete the questionnaire for a free coaching strategy session.

=======================================================================

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Don’t Miss The Weekly Sunday Corner Show on YouTube:  Bit.ly/ChatoneYT

Social Media

https://linktr.ee/realprincessofpositivity

Coaching Website:  ChatoneMorrison.com

Facebook:

@chatonemorrisonconsulting

@princessofpositivity

@chatonemorrisonMK

Instagram:  @realprincessofpositivity

Periscope/Pinterest/Twitter:  ChatoneMorrison

Interested in starting your own business?  Let’s set up a marketing chat. chatonemorrison@marykay.com

Where Poetry Resides – Truth Is

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Poetry is positivity at the deepest and most soulful level.  The saddest phrases.  The angriest lines.  The bloodiest verse.  All these take the human spirit down to the core.  Down to the bone.  Down to the honesty.  And in the sphere of honesty is where the positivity always lies.  Write even the shortest poem and trust that where you need to be, and where you want to go will appear.  Almost magically.   It’s no longer about just the facts: where poetry resides – truth is. Continue reading

Getting There Without Getting Stuck

When is the last time you got Stuck?  It’s a yucky feeling, right?  Trust me, I’ve been there!  There are many reasons for getting Stuck.  Unfortunately it’s a real place.   An actual location on the map, and for one reason or another, our internal GPS thinks Stuck is true North.  There are no road signs or mile markers showing that you are approaching “Stucksville” (borrowed from my Daddy, the late, great Linwood Curley.)  It’s hidden between the crevices of our busy-ness, uncertainty and confusion.  Stuck is where we end up getting, when “There” is elusive.  So where is “There”? 

  1. Where do you want to go?  You have to set your destination with intention, if you want to avoid getting get Stuck.  Is it a promotion at work?  A new level in your MLM business?  Is it a different dress size or a completed marathon?  Are you after a more peaceful relationship with your teenage son or middle school daughter?  Would you like to write a book or start a blog or create a painting?  Does getting along with your elderly mom resonate with you?  Or do you see yourself getting your financial future in order?  Where are you wanting to go?  The destination is not the point.  You get permission to set that.  So take a few days and set a goal to where you want to be.  Because where is never the issue.  It’s in the why and how that Stuck takes over.
  2. Why is this important?  Why is always a toughie.  Why questions you and wants to know right away.  Why shows you absolutely no mercy.  and when you cannot figure out your Why in any and every given situation, Stuck is sure to ensue.  Why?  (See, I’m not even kidding on this!)  Because without the answer of Why there is no drive.  No motive.  No fire.  No energy.  And absolutely No Positivity.  It’s as if a “No Trespassing” sign were nailed over the destination to your goal.  Even if you attempt to tread lightly in the direction of your goal, without the answer to Why…you will very likely call the cops on your very own self.  You won’t believe you belong there, so you arrest yourself.  Yep, it’s not a pretty sight.  Imagine you holding yourself with your hands behind your back…Miranda rights being read…head bowed as you get in the police car and get dragged further and further away from your dreams.  Just figure this one out and you will spare yourself this dramatic scene.  Now all you have to think about is How – and that is the easiest one of all!
  3. How are you getting there?  OK, so I was teasing just a bit.  How has its challenges but nothing like Why.  How is challenging simply because there are so many different ways to do what you want.  And if you have already struggled with Why, chances are the How you will reach your destination without getting Stuck is going to take time.  The funny thing is, no matter what the sense of urgency is, time is never really an issue.  In this day and time we are beings that rush.  We are working to cram as much life in as we can.  Period.  So the best scenario is to take the needed time (not too much time, lest Stuck make an ugly appearance) and make the best decisions you can.  Want to lose weight?  How does it make you feel to work alone?  Would a food or health coach make sense?  Do you like groups?  How do you feel about the gym?  Would you prefer to run on the street or the treadmill?  How do you feel about trainers?  Get what I’m saying?  Each of these choices will most likely get you to your destination.  Taking the time to determine in positivity how you will get there, is a cornerstone to  arriving with minimal detours, roadblock, u-turns and avoiding “Stucksville”.  

What NOT To Do

  1. Get overly busy.  
  2. Belittle yourself.
  3. Forget to sew into self-worth.  
  4. Take action without thought or based on someone else’s agenda.

What TO Do

  1. Program your GPS Where you want to go according to your highest intentions.
  2. Discover your Why.  
  3. Examine How you want to get there.
  4. Pick only one mode of transportation at a time.

Along your many journeys and adventures this year, don’t visit Stucksville.  Instead grab your most colorful push-pins and put them into the Destination of your Dreams and enjoy the ride!

Chatone Morrison – 2/13/17

 

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Connect with me!

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Excuse Me…May I Offer You A Hankie? Three Tips to Squash the Common Cough.

hankieStrange question indeed.  But everyday we encounter people that need a hankie.  The back of their hand.  The crook of their arm.  A napkin.  A tissue.  A turn of the head.  Anything to assist them from coughing all over you.  You know what I’m saying!  You’ve been the victim probably in the last few hours of someone coughing in your direction, not turning their head, ignoring the sputum that is dropping everywhere!tissues

Negative, emotional coughing, is just as contagious as an actual virus.  It’s prevalent to epidemic proportions.  In the family it starts as young as early school age children.  The negative energy is flowing and causing stagnation in ever area of our lives.  It’s as hard to combat as a super bug.  And just like those bugs, there are few if any external medicines that will do the ultimate trick.  The prescription is usually something like:  Rest.  Fluids.  Disinfect your environment so you don’t contaminate the family.

Do the same principles apply when someone has a chronic cough?  A super bug of the spirit?  Is there a way to avoid catching the epidemic?!

The good news?  Yes!  You absolutely can.  The other good news?  It’s the same formula as for a regular cough.  But be careful . . . Chronic Coughers are not easily shaken!

Three Tips To Squash The Common Cough

  1. Take a Break.  stopIf you are constantly bombarded with the negative drama of others, their sad stories, their woe-is-me existence, or their tales of victimization you will eventually catch the Common Cough.  So take a break.  It’s easy to see who these folks are in your life; when you see their name on your phone or email, a little sigh escapes your lips.  That “sigh” is your sign!  Give yourself permission to limit time with this individual.  Sometimes you know how much you immunity can take, and other times you don’t know until you get home and you are coughing too!  So instead of that, make a decision to honor your boundaries.  You deserve to be in the best health possible.  (In another blog or video I will jump into what happens when the cough resides in the house with you!  Stayed Tuned!!)
  2. Fluids.  Fluids lubricate the system.  Fluids assist things to get and stay moving.  Instead of the dryness of the throat, just a little fluid eases everything.  The same is true in dealing with emotionally negative people.  The fluid that is most readily available, but sometimes hard to muster is kindness, love, and understanding, and this takes time.  Wait!  Doesn’t that contradict “taking a break”? fluids Not exactly.  If you want to have the most positive experience possible, there has to be a fair amount of “benefit of the doubt”.  Everyone deserves that.  In practical terms this means you might have infrequent but kind communications with this person.  Especially in the workplace or in closer relationships.  Would it really hurt to acknowledge this person, perhaps offering them a listening ear every now and again?  Could you offer them a hankie?  Perhaps having a good word for them?  Even though it may not seem to make a dent, it will make a difference.  If not for them, it will for you.  If will create an ease based on putting someone else first, even just for a little while.
  3. Disinfect the Environment. There is a really good reason why frequent hand washing is recommended when we are sick.  It prevents that spread of germs.  Does this hold true with negative, emotional coughing too?  Yes!  lysolTo help protect yourself from catching the cough, simply clean up!  Don’t leave the negativity to fester in your mind.  Replace it with positive recordings.  Read books that build.  Post affirmations in your surroundings.  Use uplifting music to tune it out.  Light a candle.  Burn some incense.  Spritz essential oils.  Journal.  All of these are like disinfectants for the mind.  Protect yourself and prevent the spread of negative energy!

Keeping a positive healthy mind is pretty easy.  With awareness and a few quick strategies you can steer clear of the Common Cough.

Chatone Morrison – 1/17/17

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Three Ways to Find Grace Even On the Craziest of Days

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Chatone Morrison    “Princess of Positivity”

The painters came today.  Again.  They are neat.  Tidy.  They don’t play obnoxious music while they work.  They don’t even whistle.  They don’t curse or say misogynistic things to Katelin (my 14-year-old daughter).  They don’t leave food wrappers in the house or outside on the lawn.  They are great.  Really, really great.

The problem is there is a film of dust all over the house.  Despite the terribly noisy vacuum that is supposed to make the paint and dust spores disappear into the thin air…which is totally ironic because the air is so thick with dust it’s completely impossible to see if it’s even working!  But they are nice guys.  And they are neat.  I’m supposed to be happy.

Here’s the thing.  I can’t cook.  There is a 6 foot tall silk Ficus tree in my kitchen.  Oh, and the recliner, and the loveseat and my latest Mary Kay inventory boxes, and a science experiment, and 3 lamps.  The kitchen table is up against the island, the island is covered in the same film described above and did I mention there is no dinner?!

Junior is running through the house sliding on the dust residue, in between itching,  seems to have an allergic reaction to not being able to breathe…go figure.  And my girl is rolling her eyes so far into her head she just might be blind and no one told me.  The noise from the scraping and the vacuum and the ladders and 6 dudes, is deafening.  I cannot hear my thoughts.  In fact I might be slipping into the realm of the brain dead.  (OK, that might be over the top…but you know what I’m saying!)

Days like this come and we moms can sink into the pit of despair.  Little triggers all over the house and even though we are rocking it out, suddenly we don’t see it.  Suddenly eating a box of chocolate ice cream or a huge pot of spaghetti straight from the pot seems like a good idea.  But don’t do it.  Don’t believe the hype.  There is a better way.

  1. Go Outside – It’s fall here in Maryland and the days are super crisp and pretty.  If it’s crazy inside, go outside!  That’s simple right?  Duh…why didn’t you think of it?  You did!  You just didn’t do it.  We always know what we should do.  We are smart women.  Of course we know.  The problem is we don’t act.  We substitute a logical action for an intuitive one.  When it’s crazy inside, follow your gut.  Go Outside!
  2. Count – Yep.  Just count.  There is some neuroscience behind this one…but I don’t want to overwhelm you with my amazing expertise. (ha ha) Suffice it to say it’s like having your brain go outside for a moment.  The counting helps you redirect.  Center.  Get out of the crazy for just a moment.  Then you can focus on doing what you need.
  3. Just One Thing – Well the fun can’t last forever.  After you clear your mind outside;  then center your focus to unclutter your thoughts, it’s time to find one thing that will make a difference.  Perhaps that’s clearing off just one counter.  Or picking up the socks on the couch.  Or making a salad for dinner.  Or calling one client to do a little service check.  Or following up on one hot email.  It doesn’t really matter what you choose.  Just choose a good one so that you can feel the sense of accomplishment.

Honestly girlfriend, in the midst of the madness…in the middle of whatever crazy you have going on, just go with the simplest strategy to help you get through.  You already know that this day too shall pass.  Being graceful and easy on yourself as it does, is priceless.

Rock On Ladies!

Chatone Morrison – 11/16/2016

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