It’s pure and simple like grade school math. The old fashioned kind. Before common core and base 10. Just the basic method of rote memorization. Flash cards and carrying the one. For every yes there is a corresponding no. Period. Point. Blank. We keep thinking that there must be a way around it, but there is none to be found.
As a mompreneur with two businesses this formula sometimes gets in the way. I get caught in the yes and yes syndrome. Or the no, but syndrome. Both end super moms and super wives in a cliff hanger of, “how in the world I am going to do all of that?”
Especially when one of my kids is involved, all bets are off. I don’t know about you, but I think we have a way of making the impossible suddenly feel possible. We do what we otherwise cannot do. It’s yes and yes all the way. That is until we can’t. When we have to realize that one strong defiant yes does not always have to be married to another strong defiant yes. More often that not, our strong yes must establish a courtship with a loving No, thank you.
For the last 3 months, my life has been a series of yes and yes. Nothing too difficult that I couldn’t handle it, right? Sure thing. That is until I found myself sleeping in the park 4 miles from home because I was too tired to get there safely. And then again a few weeks later, when I had to take a 20 minute nap, (relaxation music, essential oils and all) in the radiology parking lot across town. Uh-oh…something is out of balance.
Almost 30 years ago, during a routine exam one of my doctors saw what they now know to be the sprinkles of CFS. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I didn’t have it, but I had the “factor”, whatever that meant. I went on the hunt and became embroiled in natural practitioners and healthy eating. Before long, positive thinking, affirmations and gratitude edged its way into my life and finally coaching and eventually leaving my day job to pursue more balance. It was a long process, but now after 6 years, launching my confidence and positivity coaching business coupled with Mary Kay, things make more sense. I know what I’m doing. Sure thing. That is until I get over tired and keep pushing.
But what about kids? That is a yes and yes proposition always, right? Nope. In order to be our best to our everyone; hubbies, kids, career, etc. we have to allow yes to get into a relationship with no – date, get engaged, and eventually marry. It is only once we embrace the truth that saying yes to any single thing is saying no to something else, that balance even comes into view.
Take last night as an example. Darling daughter had her third doctor appointment in 2 days and it just so happened to be in the middle of the height of traffic and over an hour away. Hubby would be at worship with my son so that meant I would go and hold down the fort. Pull my weight. Do my share. In the words of Nike, “Just Do It”. Except in reality it wasn’t in me. The sprinkle was becoming a wave last evening and I needed to slow down to a drastic halt and let the yes of her appointment become the exclusive one and only lover of the no to my driving. I didn’t see it, but dear husband did. Because I’m a high creative, and I live in gratitude, I wrote this while I rode last night.
Tonight I watched a sunset while riding and felt sheer bliss. The rush hour traffic was slow-going and thick. We had an appointment that could not be missed. Stress had lifted a heavy hand as if it would never withdraw. But as I sat in the back seat all I felt was peace.
Earlier in the day my soul love partner offered to cancel his plans and drive us. My immediate response was no. His day had been equally challenging and as a wife I like doing my share. And I can handle it. Tonight though would have been too much. He knew before I did that saying yes and no must coexist. They are the exact same value on a bill that needs to be paid on time. Everytime.
Tonight I was reminded that being a ‘super mom’ and ‘super wife’ has limits.
Positivity is not a substitute for waning power.
Confidence does not trump Self-Care.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is sit behind the driver and watch the sun fall.
So there it is. Yes and No in a beautiful relationship that each confident woman needs to embrace if she will slay the servant, wifey and career/momtrepreneur game. I’m not yet asking you to run out and ask for loads of help. That might be too jarring. That kind of levelheadedness takes time! But if it’s been far too long since you allowed yourself to receive a hand up, it’s time. Just say Yes…and No.
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After school unwind with my little man. He normally runs in with a bunch of boyish banter. But yesterday he went straight to his room without saying hello. Spells trouble. Color change? (It’s a Maryland thing). Reflection form? Lost glasses? What?? Nope. Nope. And nope. He was dealing with emotions and developing identity.
Princess of Positivity - Chatone Morrison 