Family Dialysis: Sign Me Up!

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Does this family look like yours?  One of the things I absolutely love about elephants is that they stick together.  They care for their young.  The protect and don’t mess around when predators try to infiltrate.  Sounds like you?  It definitely sounds like me.

Wondering how you can get close and stay close to your kids despite the difficulties of social media, negativity, peer pressure and way too little time with them?  Want to get less toxic?  Is it time for you to rediscover why you procreated and get back to basics?

It’s time for Family Dialysis.  This series started here on my blog but has now moved to The Confidence Catalyst Academy.  Each month or so there is a new video with tips and tricks for the family along with fun ideas for connection.  Subscribe to my youtube channel Chatone Morrison YouTube to be notified of any video posted to my site and for a preview of Family Dialysis.

If you are looking for more for your family try checking this out.  It’s bigger than a breadbox but smaller than an elephant – just the right size for your tribe!

For more information, contact: hello@chatonemorrison.com.

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Are you a make it happen woman in public, who sometimes hides  behind a facade of confidence? Could you benefit from support around your mindset, body image, motivation and self-talk in private?  Are you ready to ease your way into releasing your negativity so your positivity can reign?  I’d love to help you up level your game.

Complete the questionnaire to apply for a free 20-minute strategy session with me.  http://bit.ly/Ready-now

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Family Dialysis – 2 Tips To Have a Better Week With Your Kids

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“Emotionally Stable”    Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

It used to be that you had to have some gray hairs on you before you felt this “rock and a hard place” feeling.  But just in case you didn’t know, this is how our typical middle schoolers are living each day.  Our young 11-13 year olds are leaving the house feeling pretty “fresh” and then somewhere between math and recess and the bus loop they look like they are hanging on by a thread.  This is in the best and worst of neighborhoods.  It has less to do with family income, status or zip code than it ever did, even though that seems to matter more than ever.  In reality it has to do with what we as moms and dads do to debrief, cleanse and reboot with our tribe everyday.

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Photo by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

Early in 2017 I started a Periscope® broadcast called “The Friday Night Family Scope”.   My mission was to bring families closer together in a positive way.  For many of us the weekends need to be a time of family dialysis.  We need to get inside the blood of our kids and remove the toxins.  If we don’t go into the shadows and knock on their doors, ask the right questions and find out what they are focused on, we can’t provide help.

But if your kids are anything like mine, you know that you can’t wait for Friday to make this happen.  How can we motivate and energize our kids more frequently?  How can we get inside their lives and stay in there, especially if they are moving into young adulthood?  Can a few minutes a couple of nights a week make a difference?  Yes!  We are more than chauffeurs, ATMs and short order cooks.   We do more than feed and clothe.  We do even more than teach and keep them safe.  In just a few minutes devoted parents can do pivotal things.    We help our children thrive in a scary world.  And we gotta jump in and do a little very day.  

2 Quick & Easy Tips:

  •  Listen More Than You Lecture.  If you are guilty of this, raise your hand.  Come on!  Raise it up right at your desk or in your kitchen or at the gym.  I know you are out there.  Join us.  My hand is raised too!  One is markedly easy.  The other is definitely hard.  But if you can get a tween or teen to talk to you, even if what they are saying is making you want to scream at the top of your lungs, try to listen.  Yes, sometimes the story seems like a web that is wrapped upon itself and you want to jump in and untangle it.  I know…I’ve been there…in fact, I visited that familiar destination earlier today.  In the midst though, it hit me that I needed to assign dignity to this young adult that is so much like…well, me!  And a lecture wasn’t going to cut it.  What about you?  Can you use your ears first this week?
  • Let Acknowledgement Be Your First Words.  I keep thinking that after I speak I love to know that someone was actually listening to me.  The same is true for our kids; listening is only half the battle.  The other half is letting them know that we heard  them.  Extract something to show that you acknowledge they have been willing to share.  “I know what you mean”, doesn’t carry as much weight as “Man,  that sounds awful!  I’m sorry that you had to face that.” (Or whatever similar matches your tribe).  It’s not easy for our kids to open up.  If they do, don’t waste the opportunity.  Acknowledge them, their feelings and what they have to say.  It’s worth it.
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Photo by Max Conrad on Unsplash

So many of our precious kids are at pressure’s edge.  The waves keep coming and they are aren’t dressed for swimming.   If we are going to make a difference we are going to have to dive in deep.

The goal of Family Dialysis is to chat about ways to get closer as a family and ensure that parents are the major influencers to a positive future.  Let me know what you’d like to see.  I’m excited to share with you!

Chatone Morrison ©2017

Ready to get your positive energy in check?  Looking to clean up your self-talk, create a personal affirmation plan or ease your way into releasing your negativity so your positivity can reign?  Complete the questionnaire for a free coaching strategy session.

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All photos courtesy of Unsplash.com

 

Excuse Me…May I Offer You A Hankie? Three Tips to Squash the Common Cough.

hankieStrange question indeed.  But everyday we encounter people that need a hankie.  The back of their hand.  The crook of their arm.  A napkin.  A tissue.  A turn of the head.  Anything to assist them from coughing all over you.  You know what I’m saying!  You’ve been the victim probably in the last few hours of someone coughing in your direction, not turning their head, ignoring the sputum that is dropping everywhere!tissues

Negative, emotional coughing, is just as contagious as an actual virus.  It’s prevalent to epidemic proportions.  In the family it starts as young as early school age children.  The negative energy is flowing and causing stagnation in ever area of our lives.  It’s as hard to combat as a super bug.  And just like those bugs, there are few if any external medicines that will do the ultimate trick.  The prescription is usually something like:  Rest.  Fluids.  Disinfect your environment so you don’t contaminate the family.

Do the same principles apply when someone has a chronic cough?  A super bug of the spirit?  Is there a way to avoid catching the epidemic?!

The good news?  Yes!  You absolutely can.  The other good news?  It’s the same formula as for a regular cough.  But be careful . . . Chronic Coughers are not easily shaken!

Three Tips To Squash The Common Cough

  1. Take a Break.  stopIf you are constantly bombarded with the negative drama of others, their sad stories, their woe-is-me existence, or their tales of victimization you will eventually catch the Common Cough.  So take a break.  It’s easy to see who these folks are in your life; when you see their name on your phone or email, a little sigh escapes your lips.  That “sigh” is your sign!  Give yourself permission to limit time with this individual.  Sometimes you know how much you immunity can take, and other times you don’t know until you get home and you are coughing too!  So instead of that, make a decision to honor your boundaries.  You deserve to be in the best health possible.  (In another blog or video I will jump into what happens when the cough resides in the house with you!  Stayed Tuned!!)
  2. Fluids.  Fluids lubricate the system.  Fluids assist things to get and stay moving.  Instead of the dryness of the throat, just a little fluid eases everything.  The same is true in dealing with emotionally negative people.  The fluid that is most readily available, but sometimes hard to muster is kindness, love, and understanding, and this takes time.  Wait!  Doesn’t that contradict “taking a break”? fluids Not exactly.  If you want to have the most positive experience possible, there has to be a fair amount of “benefit of the doubt”.  Everyone deserves that.  In practical terms this means you might have infrequent but kind communications with this person.  Especially in the workplace or in closer relationships.  Would it really hurt to acknowledge this person, perhaps offering them a listening ear every now and again?  Could you offer them a hankie?  Perhaps having a good word for them?  Even though it may not seem to make a dent, it will make a difference.  If not for them, it will for you.  If will create an ease based on putting someone else first, even just for a little while.
  3. Disinfect the Environment. There is a really good reason why frequent hand washing is recommended when we are sick.  It prevents that spread of germs.  Does this hold true with negative, emotional coughing too?  Yes!  lysolTo help protect yourself from catching the cough, simply clean up!  Don’t leave the negativity to fester in your mind.  Replace it with positive recordings.  Read books that build.  Post affirmations in your surroundings.  Use uplifting music to tune it out.  Light a candle.  Burn some incense.  Spritz essential oils.  Journal.  All of these are like disinfectants for the mind.  Protect yourself and prevent the spread of negative energy!

Keeping a positive healthy mind is pretty easy.  With awareness and a few quick strategies you can steer clear of the Common Cough.

Chatone Morrison – 1/17/17

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A Bit of 10-year-old Self Discovery

fullsizerenderAfter school unwind with my little man. He normally runs in with a bunch of boyish banter. But yesterday he went straight to his room without saying hello. Spells trouble. Color change? (It’s a Maryland thing). Reflection form?  Lost glasses?  What??  Nope. Nope. And nope. He was dealing with emotions and developing identity.

I did what Mom’s do. Started asking questions.  Expecting to hear about  recess basketball, the math quiz, the virtues of jazz band and the like.   I was on high alert when his answers were despondent and distant. Five minutes of questioning and probing (which seems short, but honestly is not) and the reluctant answers began to flow.

It began in PE, because little girl classmate, we will call “Anna” has not yet mastered  a spiral when throwing a football. She tried for half the class. The teacher was patient. Allowed her to keep trying. Ignoring everything around him, that doesn’t include him is his  specialty, but something new came up.  When several boys laughed and called Anna out of her name; when he saw that her feelings might be getting hurt, the boy we have been pouring into and trying to raise well showed up.

First he thought he could stop them.  Just talk them out of it. No chance.  He saw on a basic level the P’s of evil: Persuasive and Pervasive.  It seeks its way into the fabric of people and moves on through the room and it’s really hard to trace the beginning or find the end.  He tried to get them to stop.   The teacher was not responding and he felt like he had to do something.  It didn’t even dawn on him that his actions, standing up for someone else like that might at best create alienation, or at worst be dangerous; my child has been threatened before.  But it didn’t matter to him, he said he was just angry about it.  And he wanted to do something which he did…because  when he couldn’t make a direct difference, his backdoor ruckus caused the teacher to take notice.

Don’t get me wrong, I love teachers. Educators rock.  They stay in a difficult job that is extremely demanding and often bears a dividend so far down the line it’s not realized until years later. I imagine that can work against your positive energy.  Especially when have a gym full of 5th graders.  (Sigh)

Identity peaked when Ms. “Gym” saw what was happening; due to the ruckus.
“Everyone sit down!  Who laughed at “Anna” and made fun of her?!  Step up right now!  We are not having any of that in my class!”  (Silence and Levi tilting his head in the direction of his otherwise friends, trying to get them to be honest about it.)   Not a chance.

This continued until the threats began.  Ms. “Gym” announced that all balls would be taken if someone didn’t come forward.  In other words, all would suffer for the few. That struck his compassion bone, the one I didn’t know was yet growing…he couldn’t take it anymore.  He stood up and walked over to put his ball away.  Now here in the story I really felt my patience wearing thin.  Was this super cute and respectful kid telling me that he really was the one making fun and laughing at “Anna”?  I would like to say that I hadn’t accused him of that…but alas, even those of us who wear crowns fall off the throne one or twice a day!

His answer was so simple. “No, mom.  I didn’t want everyone to lose out.  It wasn’t fair.  So I thought if I said it was me, at least all of them would be able to keep playing. Seriously mom – I don’t like when things are not fair.  Then she accused me of lying.  And I had to admit that I was just trying to save the class.  And then I got in trouble for lying!  You can’t win!”

Again…my left eye of scrutiny didn’t want to buy this story.  My truth and pride radar were in conflict.  But in the end, being able to slow down with him, I realized that it was all true.  There had been a collision of his emotions and who he wants to be in life.  A problem solver, lover of justice and purveyor of good.  The presentation needs work for sure…but pretty cool I think. The things you learn when you slow down and let your little people talk.

The ending?  I asked the question that I sometimes forget to ask.  What would make you feel better son?  The answer was the best part of my week so far:

Remember when you used to help me sleep by rubbing my eyelashes.  Will you do that right now?

Needless to say – we laid together on the couch for a while, whispering and giggling and relaxing, then I took these pictures.  It was the most intimate of dates with my boy.  We both left better than we came.  And I think that’s pretty cool.

Go Forth and Parent in Positivity!

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Chatone Morrison – 11/18/2016

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